it is my opinion that most people, normal people, never experience true hatred. i believe this because i have.
the bible tells us that to hate someone is the same thing as murder. that used to bug me because as far as i knew i had hated plenty in my past and would never kill anyone.
i was dating someone, who, at the time, i thought was the love of my life. i found out part way through our relationship that her ex-boyfriend had raped her...repeatedly...for more than two years. needless to say this had left her scarred, both emotionally and physically.
throughout our relationship, after this was known, the subject (in one form or another) came up almost everyday. i could see the effects that such an act can have on a person happen right in front of my eyes every single day. it was part of who she was. it tore her in two, every hour, every second. i have never met the man that did this to her, thank God. because there were a few instances in my life when i may have tried to kill him. I know i wanted to. i truly hated him.
i'm not proud of this. it is something to be ashamed of.
i have repented many times, (probably bad theology) but the hardest part is forgiveness. for myself and for him.
scott talked one night about bitterness and how it wasn't a simple fix: give it to God and then it's gone. we sometimes have to keep giving it to God. maybe forever.
i don't use the word "hate" anymore. (at least not seriously) i try and see people, even him, with the love that Christ had. there are many people out there who diserve hatred, and there are many more people out there willing to hate them. i am no longer one of those because of what God has done in my life.
i still think about him everyday. i hope he's got a better life now than what he had then. i hope tomorrow that i can give it to God once more.
